A Year Ago Today

So right now Facebook does this awesome thing where they remind you what happened on this day a year ago, or two, or seven years ago.  It's really fun, and you have the option to share it.  I don't think I've ever shared one, but today one put me in tears.  

This picture was taken the week Tessa started her mission papers. I hadn't completely come to terms with the idea, although I knew that that's what she was supposed to do.  I was determined to be supportive and help her in any way I could.  We spent this whole day together, just the two of us up in the mountains.  We hardly crossed paths with anyone, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  We just talked and talked as we enjoyed being out in God's beautiful creations.  I just wished the day would never end.

 So, you can imagine what happened when I opened my Facebook this morning (which I rarely do before I leave the house).  I immediately started bawling.  All those emotions from that day came back.  A year ago I honestly had no idea how hard it was going to be for me to have Tessa gone. I knew it would be hard, but wow!  She was my workout partner, my grocery buddy, my conversation at dinner, my confidant, my best friend.  It's definitely been another adjustment to be at school without her.  Obviously I'm doing it, and it really is going well, it's just different.  And I miss her a lot.  

The Separation

It's been a week and half since Tess left on her mission.  I'm not going to lie.  I've been a little bit lost.  She is definitely my best friend, number one fan, frustration outlet, comical relief, and partner in crime.  I'm going to be fine, it's just a little hard to adjust, ya know? 

                                               

The days before her leaving were pretty rough.  I probably cried more then than I have since.  It was tough watching her pack all of her things away, both the things she was leaving here as well as the things she was taking with her.  I was folding her clothes up to put in her suitcase, and I just couldn't stop the tears.  Pretty soon Mom, Tess, and I were all crying.  Then I cried each time she had to tell a family member goodbye.  I just felt so bad for her.  I know that she's confident that serving a mission is what she's supposed to do, but for someone who loves her family as much as Tessa does, it definitely wasn't an easy choice.  

On December 30th Mom, Dad, and I took her to the MTC where she'll start learning Spanish and get an idea of what she needs to know to be a successful missionary.  I was doing pretty good and keeping it all together until we went up by the temple to take a picture together.  Neither of us could keep it together, and we just hugged and cried.  We dropped her off and there were more tears, but as we were pulling out we saw her wiping her tears away and smiling and talking with the nice sister missionary who picked her up on the curb.  It made me feel better.  

Of course that night there were at least 3 funny memes or videos that I wanted to show here, but she wasn't here and I couldn't just message them to her.  So I wrote her a Dear Elder instead.  

The times I notice the most that she's not around is when I've found myself having to sit alone at the basketball or wrestling, when I hear funny jokes and want to tell her, when I accidentally say something stupid and no one gives me a hard time, ya know, sisterly things like that that Tess and I always did together.  

I've had a fun-filled week, but each time I was doing something I couldn't help but think how much fun Tessa would have doing it with us!  Jazz game, snowshoeing, skiing, watching Dad's girl's team, and playing with the nephews--she woulda loved doing them all!  But, she's doing a greater work.  She's preparing to teach people about TRUE HAPPINESS.  The kind you can't find at a Jazz game or on the ski hill.  She's going to go and teach people how they can be together with their families FOREVER.  She's going to teach them how they can return to live with their Heavenly Father and find true joy.  She's dedicating 18 months of her life to serve others.  I'm so proud of her.  

I'm not going to lie and tell you that there haven't been more tears since she left, but I am going to tell you that she's doing so great!  She's sent us some pictures and she just looks great.  Her letters are positive and happy.  She did tell me that she wishes that we could be companions (even though she loves her companion!) because we wouldn't have to be "nicy-nice" through the frustrating times and we'd just get work done!  haha.  I just love her.  

 

Tess and her companion, Sister Davidson

Tessa. My BFF Forever.

It's Tessa's birthday today.  She's seriously the best little sister anyone could ever ask for.  I can not imagine life without her.  Here are some of the reasons I love Tess.  

She always has an awesome attitude, even when times are tough.  

She likes to watch sports with me.  And she came to BYU.  

She has the coolest/weirdest talents.  

 She likes going to concerts with me.

She's always got me laughing out loud.

She has the best booty.

She's my favorite ski buddy. 

 She loves America, and she loves going fun places. 

She went on a million hikes with me and only complained once. 

She accomplishes any goal she puts her mind to.  

Really though--always laughing!

Our names just go together.

She loves hanging out with me and my parents.  

She lets me cut her hair. 

She's just so pretty.  

We have the same brain which often leads to us saying the same things and dressing the same.

 Again...

and again.  

I really don't know what I'm going to do without this girl being there for me basically every second this next year and a half.  I'm so happy for her though and her decision to serve a mission.  She is going to be such a great missionary.  She is going to bless so many lives.  I know that the message she is taking to the people of Argentina is true.  God loves us and has a plan for each of us, and right now His plan is for us to be apart.  I know this is starting to sound dramatic, but people!  She is my BEST FRIEND!  You don't just go without seeing your best friend for 18 months unless it's for a very worthy cause (a mission just so happens to be the only qualification...).  Anyways, happy birthday Tess.  You're the bomb.com.  

Endings.

One of my least favorite things are endings.  Right now I'm facing some of them, and it's kinda killing me.  I'm not good at them.  I've know this ending was going to be coming for quite some time now, so I've been trying to prepare myself for it.  One of the things that helped me was this quote by Buddha.  

So, obviously this isn't the end of my life or anything, but I think this can apply to us all the time.  I'm trying to love all the things I'm doing as well as all of those around me.  I'm trying to live without stress.  I'm trying to not get mad or frustrated about the things that I'm having to let go.  Thanks for the advice, Buddha.  

I also was able to receive some comfort and advice from General Conference.  I didn't remember hearing this quote, but Mary told me it reminded her of me.  It's perfect!  

This is the ending of my time in Provo for a while, but it's not the end of the friendships I've made with people, the memories I've shared, or the lessons I've learned.  So, instead of looking at this time as an ending, I'm going to look at it as a BEGINNING.  Doesn't that sound so much better?!

Another great talk that gave me a new perspective on this change was a talk by Bishop Gary E. Stevenson.  He asked us: 

I got thinkin', and I realized that my summer is just like four minutes of my life.  It's going to go by so fast and I AM going to make the most of it.  I'm going to do good things with those four minutes.  It's going to be great!  

So, enough about sad endings.  I'm just going to look forward to the new beginnings :)

Happy Birthday Uncle David!!

Today has been a special day.  My Uncle David had his first birthday in Heaven.  I haven't written about my experience with his passing yet because I've been having a hard time with it.  I just kept asking myself why it had to happen to him, why it had to happen to his family.  He passed away from complications due to lung cancer.  He always kept the Word of Wisdom to a "T," so it seemed so strange that his body would fail him in this way.  The only way I can make sense of it is that Heavenly Father needed him up there more than we needed him down here.  I can only imagine the marvelous work he is doing up there!  

Tonight Mary, Tessa, and I had a birthday part for him.  It was so great!  We made a cake, lit up the candles and sang our little hearts out.  When the candles were out and there was that birthday candle smell I was flooded with memories of birthdays around their table, David at the head.  He always made sure we sang the song quick and with gusto!  No song was ever finished without the follow up phrase: "What a windjammer!"  

The cake :)

A quick memory of cakes with Uncle David:  When Tess and I were in jr. high we were up at David and Sally's when he asked us if we'd ever made a cake.  Neither of us had… So he promised us that each time we made a cake we would get more good lookin'--that's why his wife was so pretty!  Obviously I haven't made enough cakes yet…haha!  I'm sure he was proud at how quick I whipped up this cake :)

This next picture is one of my favorites.  It was the first time we went to visit him at the hospital after his stroke.  I remember talking to him as he squeezed my hand.  As I was about to leave he brought my hand up to his lips.  I started bawling, but was filled with so much hope!  I knew he was going to recover and be back to his normal, happy self.  

We went and visited him again after he was transferred to the rehab unit.  This visit we actually got him to laugh!  It was so exciting!  I told him a story that my dad had just told me about his football days at Ricks.  My dad's coaches had gone to one of Snow College's games and watched David play.  They were very impressed with David and brought my dad in to talk to him.  The coach asked my dad if he was as fast as David.  My dad replied: faster.  They asked if he was as big as David.  His reply: 10 pounds bigger.  The conversation went on and my dad was so thankful that his brother played so well because after that he became the punt returner.  This story now has a special place in my heart because I heard Uncle David laugh for the last time.  

As the semester went on and I was down here at school I called my mom everyday for an update on David.  Most of the time I was in tears.  It was tough on his family and my heart was breaking for them. I was having a hard time dealing with this reality and as I tried to put myself in their shoes I couldn't even imagine the heartbreak they were experiencing.  Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to, but the Lord is in charge and He knows what is best for us.  Healing definitely didn't happen overnight, and I am still receiving comfort each day.  It seems though whenever I think of him, a picture of him laughing pops into my head.  He was always the happiest guy and I imagine he's even happier now that he's back with our Father in Heaven.

Uncle David and his sweetheart.  What an amazing woman she is!  I can't think of a stronger, more loving and caring person.  

Aren't they perfect?!

I know that Uncle David wants us to be happy down here.  He wants us to love one another.  He wants us to find peace.  I know we can find that peace through our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He knows exactly how we are feeling.  He can comfort us and help us find peace if we will let Him.  So, Happy Birthday Uncle David!  I hope I made the right wish for you :)  I love you!  

Sometimes Dreams Don't Come True...

When I came to school here my freshman year I was pretty certain that I was going to be an Elementary Education major.  I went to all of the meetings and declared it my major.  One meeting at the end of my freshman year they told us that the department offered a study abroad program in New Zealand your last semester of practicum, or the semester right before you student teach.  I was sold!  

So, since then I have been saving my money, dreaming, and, conveniently enough, staying single :)  (you can't go on this study abroad married).  As my dream was getting closer, I was getting more and more excited!  I was so excited to go to New Zealand and experience a different culture, see how their school system works, and just have an adventure!  Then on Monday I got an email telling me that the study abroad for 2015 is cancelled.  I was devastated.  (I still kind of am…)  I cried a couple of tears while I read the message on my way from the JFSB to the Library.

I was pretty bummed and for a moment I even considered changing my major to Spanish?!  I told Tessa and my roommates when I saw them.  I couldn't get the courage up to call my mom and tell her though, cause I knew I would cry again.  It's just kinda hard when your dreams get crushed, ya know?  Then I went up to the ski hill and taught 5 kids grades 2nd-4th how to ski and everything was right again in the world.  I just love those kids and I decided I really do want to be an elementary education major!  It's okay if I can't go to New Zealand, that wasn't the reason I chose this major in the first place.  

Tuesday I finally mustered the courage to call my mom.  I still cried.  She helped me out though, and since then I've thought of a bunch of really great things I can do with a semester abroad that involve using/learning Spanish.  Really, the possibilities are endless and I haven't had time to look at all of them, but rest assured, I'll be doing something fun next fall :)  

I guess it was about time I received this little bump in my charmed life.  Looking back at it a couple of days later I know that it's going to be a blessing.  Everything is going to work out, and it'll probably be even better!  So, even though this post is kinda depressing, don't feel bummed for me.  (It's just so I don't have to re-tell this story every time someone asks me when I'm going to New Zealand) So, even though dreams don't always come true, sometimes they change, and sometimes the change is even better!