Raw

I've been crappy at blogging lately, but I've been rocking at emailing Tessa on her mission!  I figured I'd just copy and paste part of the letter I wrote to her.  It's a little more raw than my blogs normally are, more personable.  Life's so great :)  

  Tami came on Friday and it was so fun having her!  I just love her!  We had so much fun shopping and talking all evening Friday.  We went to dinner at Zupas and then to Cold Stone where we met up with Mary and Ryan.  When we got home we talked with Ashlee and her sister-in-law for quite a while and talked about how we wish we were as good as you at turning awkward situations onto the other people around you!  Haha!  Every time you get in an awkward situation, you are so good at getting out of it!  Example A: Your birth control shot and Toomer and Thompson.  Example B: When you farted on that date.  I literally have NO examples of getting myself out of humiliating situations.  I normally just make it worse.  haha! Anyways, we were talking and laughing our heads off!  I seriously haven't laughed that hard in quite some time!  Then Tam and I came into my room and talked for far too long!  I slept on the floor and her in my bed.  I love that us sisters all have such awesome relationships.  Seriously.  Taffy is 12 years older than me and Tami 10, and they both have come and had sleepovers with me this semester.  I'm so lucky to have my sisters as my best friends.  

  We shopped all day again Saturday.  It was so fun to shop with her because all I ever shop for is clothes, and I have done NONE of that this semester. (I'm so poor!)  We shopped for all of this fun home decor stuff and storage and home improvement stuff!  So fun!  I just dreamed of how I'm going to decorate my log cabin some day ;)  We left Provo around 3:00 and parted ways.  I went to Taffy's and she went home. 

 I went to Taf's to babysit her kids Sunday.  Her and Tone are in New Zealand and Mom was in charge of the kids.  Well Mom needed to go to Mya's blessing, so I went to get the kids up and dressed and to church and then took them to Angela's.  There's a reason why we have children one at a time.  Zero to 5 overnight probably isn't the best way.  haha!  They were really good though!  We had a little birthday party for Mariah (she turns 8 tomorrow?!)  It was fun and the kids were just so cute!  They were excited to see me, which always makes ya feel good ya know?  Us adults need to love more like kids do.  

  Anyways, I sure love ya Tess!  Sorry there's not much about school, but I figure it would be super boring to you.  My brain is going a million miles an hour about a million things right now though.  Boys, school, future teaching plans, January plans, my next trip, how I'm going to have $5 after I pay rent next month, ya know, all the things :)  I do know that my Savior loves me though.  He wants me to be happy, and he's trying to help me continue to love life!  I'm not sure what He's got up His sleeve on this next one, but it's gotta be good, I'm sure!  In Relief Society today it just really hit me that I need to just rely on him.  I'm just so dang independent that it's killing me to not feel good about what I WANT to do and that I actually NEED to do something else.  I'm going with it though Tess.  I'm taking a leap of faith!  Look out world!  Thanks for always walking by Faith.  Thanks for serving a mission.  I am just so proud of you!  You are definitely toppy on my list of awesome/best people and I feel so blessed that I get to be so close with someone as great as you!  Love you Sis!  Can't wait to hear from you!  Have the best week!!  

Love, Livi :)  

A Year Ago Today

So right now Facebook does this awesome thing where they remind you what happened on this day a year ago, or two, or seven years ago.  It's really fun, and you have the option to share it.  I don't think I've ever shared one, but today one put me in tears.  

This picture was taken the week Tessa started her mission papers. I hadn't completely come to terms with the idea, although I knew that that's what she was supposed to do.  I was determined to be supportive and help her in any way I could.  We spent this whole day together, just the two of us up in the mountains.  We hardly crossed paths with anyone, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  We just talked and talked as we enjoyed being out in God's beautiful creations.  I just wished the day would never end.

 So, you can imagine what happened when I opened my Facebook this morning (which I rarely do before I leave the house).  I immediately started bawling.  All those emotions from that day came back.  A year ago I honestly had no idea how hard it was going to be for me to have Tessa gone. I knew it would be hard, but wow!  She was my workout partner, my grocery buddy, my conversation at dinner, my confidant, my best friend.  It's definitely been another adjustment to be at school without her.  Obviously I'm doing it, and it really is going well, it's just different.  And I miss her a lot.  

If I could change one thing about myself...

So I try not to play this little game because it's not very good on my confidence, but recently I've really been wishing I was more witty.  Wouldn't it be great if I was cracking you guys up all the time?!  Basically the only person who thinks I'm funny is Tessa.  And she's been gone for forever and is probably never coming home... 

My Room

So, the bedroom in my parents house has been mine since Tyson graduated in 2004.  That's a pretty long time.  I've chosen the wall paint, the bedspread, the pictures, and all of the little things that make the room mine.  This room is a space that is totally ME.  I was putting clothes away and cleaning up a little bit this afternoon and I was reading all of the quotes on little papers and tiles, and looking at the photos, and thinking about the different pieces of furniture and how by surrounding myself by all of these things every day have shaped who I am and who I am becoming.  

Anyways, here's a little "tour" of my room. 

 Here we have the beds.  The room recently became Tessa and I's (at Christmas time) because all of my married siblings felt the need for another double bed in the house.  I'm not really sure why??...  So, now we have bunk beds and I sleep in a cave.  

I made the quilt on the bottom bunk.

My mom or grannie made the quilt on the top bunk years and years ago.

My grandma Teichert made my pillow case.

She also made the baby blanket you can see wadded up in the far top corner of my bed :)  

Taffy made the pillow case on the top bunk.

The stool has my jammies on it.

I recovered the stool last summer.  I got it out of Stan Larson's yard and redid it, but I'm not super pumped about how it turned out.  

Above the bed is this quote.  I really love it.  Taffy gave it to me for Christmas one year. 

This is also above the bed.  This picture was given to me by my grandma Teichert.  It reminded her of Tessa and I, and it basically is.  

Also, I just notice my lovely corsage from my junior prom?! haha

 Now we have my closet.  It is almost always like this with one door open because that's the best place to hang my towel.  I know I have way too many clothes because they don't fit in here very well...

On the open door there is a picture of the Logan Temple and the Young Women's theme.

There is also a quote by President Hinkley that says, "Of all the creations of the Almighty, there is none more beautiful, none more inspiring than a lovely daughter of God who walks in virtue with an understanding of why she should do so, who honors and respects her body as a thing sacred and divine, who cultivates her mind and constantly enlarges the horizon of her understanding, who nurtures her spirit with everlasting truth."  

On the closed door is a picture of me with Mylie and Tel at the airport waiting for Violet to get home from her mission.  

Here was have a collection of all of my things.  

The blue trunk was my great grandma Duncan's that she brought out west with her when she was 16. 

The two boxes hold letters, journals, pictures, and other random fun things.  

Against the closet is a little trinket thing that was a gift from someone in the Philippines.  

On top of the boxes are an emergency lantern, my life quote "It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but a lot of it actually is," and my favorite sister missionary ever!

After the boxes comes a long line of books:

Panoramas from all over the world

Photo album from my summer of DC, Costa Rica, and Alaska

Two children's books, one about self esteem and one about making choices

History of Hugh and Flossie Brady (my grandma Buhla's parents)

Letters from my 4th graders at West Side Elementary

Photo album of photos of just Tessa and I through the years.  She gave it to me for graduation and we just keep adding to it!

Recipe book from my Oberg side  

Photo book from my senior year made by Taffy

New York photo book  

Family photo book

Four instagram photo books

Moab photo book from Kalbie

Spanish/English Dictionary

Farm Animal book from my favorite antique store in Provo

My latest journal

Laying on the trunk are my headphones and my almost finished letter to Tessa.

Then Violet picked up that cool old wooden desk for me for $50 at some antique store.  I love it. 

On top of that is a picture of my family and my globe.

Hanging above all that is the only decoration that goes with me to college: my favorite picture of Christ.  My space just isn't complete without it.  

  This is my "getting ready" area.  It's where the most clutter is.  I always get ready here instead of in the bathroom and I know it has saved me from many fights with my brothers, since I've always shared a bathroom with them.  

First of all, this mirror is the best with the swinging sides!  

On the mirror I have nice reminders and quotes that remind me to have courage, be kind, be diligent, remember Christ loves me, and to like myself.  

The table normally has some sort of hair tool, but at the moment just has perfume and lotion.  

The chair is my favorite.  It was my great grandma Minerva's.  

Tami made the pillow that goes on it for me for Christmas one year.  

The shorts and pants draped over it are work pants that are too dirty to fold up and put in my closet again, but too clean to throw in the dirties :)  

The little dresser thing holds all the things I use and all the things I don't use, but for some reason still hold on to.  

Then my jewelry is all hung up.  

The wall hanging above my necklaces is a board that I literally broke in half with my hand.  We did it at Girl's Camp one year and then painted it and put vinyl lettering that says, "I can do hard things.  The Lord is my strength."  So true.

Then I have my garbage and my clothes hamper.  

The part is pretty cluttery.......

I've got this picture hanging that Taffy made for me for Christmas one year.  The pictures are super outdated, but I really love them.

We've got Mylie, Connor, and Tel back when they were the only 3 grandkids, a picture of me with my fish I caught up in Seldovia, AK, and then Tessa and I kayaking up in Alaska. 

An the lowest shelf I've got a little tile that says "Be strong and of good courage"

The medium one has a picture of me and my dad at a daddy-daughter date for Merry Miss and a tissue box holder made by Norene Thompson.

The tallest box has a pretty framed quote I got for Christmas years ago that says "Daughter, bless your heart for the happiness you put in mine," a box with a beautiful hand held mirror from Nauvoo, and a jar full of my great grandma Duncan's buttons.  

Below the tallest shelf is my small doll collection with dolls from Alaska, Peru, Ecuador, a porcelain doll from my Aunt Linda, and a doll made by my grannie.  

Also, hats and belts.

So, there's my room.  It's amazing to me how much my room is just me.  So much of the furniture and decorations are sentimental.  I realize that I'm pretty lucky to have as many neat pieces of furniture as I do.  The quotes and pictures all have a purpose.  We internalize the things we put around us whether we realize it or not.  I've been thinking a lot about qualities I have and qualities that I want to acquire.  So many of these quotes are about self worth and confidence.  While I lack confidence in many areas, I do not doubt that I am a daughter of God and that He loves me.  I realize that all around my room are reminders of that very thing.  I know that these quotes have become a part of me and have given me confidence throughout my few short years of life.  

It's been fun to take a close look at my room and think about the little things that define me, and if you made it to the end of this post, good for you! haha  

I don't really know what to title this post, but I miss my sis.  

Some days I just need to talk to her.  Friday was one of those days.  My life really is so great and I'm so happy, but I have questions and I need her to answer them for me.  Or at least validate my crazy thinking?!  I'm not going to lie, I even cried.  Then I went in the mountains on a hike and just talked to my own dang self!  

haha.  Not the same, but as close as I'm probably going to get :)  Miss you Tess! 

Letter to Tess

I wrote this email to Tess tonight and I decided it was actually a pretty fun recap of my last two days. It's kind of like my whole life--fun, weird, and a little crazy mixed in with some spiritual. Plus I really use my own voice when I write to Tess, so it's just more me :) 

Dear Tessa, 

  I ate duck embryo tonight. Seriously. It was actually a lot like an egg, but it was kind of like a soft boiled egg and kind of gross... I'm probably not going to eat that again... On the plus side, it involved a fun night at the boulevard. The boulevard is this brick laid path right by the ocean. On Friday nights there's live bands and everything and it's just so fun! I loved it! We also had some squid rolls and tempura there at the street stand, and they were very good! We ended the night with desert at an actual restaurant called Sans Rizal and I ordered this delicious lemon lime cake stuff. Not as good as I was hoping, but still very yummy! 

  While we're on the topic of food, there are these two drinks here that are to die for! Both of them are actually fairly healthy! One is a Buko shake which is a coconut shake. They just put in evaporated milk, a bunch of fresh coconut meat, ice, water, and wala! Deliciousness! My favorite though, which will be served at my wedding is called mixed fruit. It's a lot like that drink the Tonga's make, but instead of grating the fruit, you cut it into chunks and you put the watermelon, apples, bananas, and papaya all in the same drink. Then you just add some milk and cream. Seriously so good! I have one or the other of these drinks almost every day. 

   More food stuff...haha we eat shrimp a couple of times a week and I love it! It's SO cheap here! I think the last shrimp we bought was like 35 pesos per kilo, which is about 70 cents per kilo! It's a steal and it is SO fresh! Anyways, I'm eating delicious food here, and I can't wait to hear about all your fave Argentina foods :) Get the recipes! 

  Anyways, I just had to tell you about the duck embryo cause I'm still kind of freaked out about it?! Haha I hope you're having the best day, and when you're served something super sketch down there, just think about your brave sissy who is actually a sissy, but is trying to be brave and do cool stuff. 

  Anyways for reals this time! Haha I love you and I pray for you every day. I know prayer works and I know you're doing what's right. The Lord loves you. I went to an institute class here last night and we talked about the Atonement. I don't know what was different last night (maybe cause I was relying more on the spirit than the language), but I really realized how selfless Christ was. We made a list on the board of the reasons Christ preformed the Atonement and all of the reasons were for us. I was just filled with overwhelming gratitude and had a huge awakening at how I need to be SO much more selfless. I need to put others desires and needs first. I need to be more compassionate. I need to do what the Lord wants. (The list could go on and on and on...) On the way home I got to thinking about you and how selfless your choice to serve a mission was. You didn't necessarily want to go, but you wanted to do what the Lord needed you to do. So Christ-like. You decided to go and try to help others come closer to their Savior. So Christ-like.  You decided to leave the ordinary life and go into the unpredictable, putting your life in God's hands. Once again, so Christ-like. 

  Well Tess, you're my hero, and for reals this time, I'm ending this letter! Haha I love you a lot and I hope you're having the best day! If not, I hope this brightens it :) You're my best example and I love ya! Buena suerte con el español!! 

Con amor, Livi :)

The Separation

It's been a week and half since Tess left on her mission.  I'm not going to lie.  I've been a little bit lost.  She is definitely my best friend, number one fan, frustration outlet, comical relief, and partner in crime.  I'm going to be fine, it's just a little hard to adjust, ya know? 

                                               

The days before her leaving were pretty rough.  I probably cried more then than I have since.  It was tough watching her pack all of her things away, both the things she was leaving here as well as the things she was taking with her.  I was folding her clothes up to put in her suitcase, and I just couldn't stop the tears.  Pretty soon Mom, Tess, and I were all crying.  Then I cried each time she had to tell a family member goodbye.  I just felt so bad for her.  I know that she's confident that serving a mission is what she's supposed to do, but for someone who loves her family as much as Tessa does, it definitely wasn't an easy choice.  

On December 30th Mom, Dad, and I took her to the MTC where she'll start learning Spanish and get an idea of what she needs to know to be a successful missionary.  I was doing pretty good and keeping it all together until we went up by the temple to take a picture together.  Neither of us could keep it together, and we just hugged and cried.  We dropped her off and there were more tears, but as we were pulling out we saw her wiping her tears away and smiling and talking with the nice sister missionary who picked her up on the curb.  It made me feel better.  

Of course that night there were at least 3 funny memes or videos that I wanted to show here, but she wasn't here and I couldn't just message them to her.  So I wrote her a Dear Elder instead.  

The times I notice the most that she's not around is when I've found myself having to sit alone at the basketball or wrestling, when I hear funny jokes and want to tell her, when I accidentally say something stupid and no one gives me a hard time, ya know, sisterly things like that that Tess and I always did together.  

I've had a fun-filled week, but each time I was doing something I couldn't help but think how much fun Tessa would have doing it with us!  Jazz game, snowshoeing, skiing, watching Dad's girl's team, and playing with the nephews--she woulda loved doing them all!  But, she's doing a greater work.  She's preparing to teach people about TRUE HAPPINESS.  The kind you can't find at a Jazz game or on the ski hill.  She's going to go and teach people how they can be together with their families FOREVER.  She's going to teach them how they can return to live with their Heavenly Father and find true joy.  She's dedicating 18 months of her life to serve others.  I'm so proud of her.  

I'm not going to lie and tell you that there haven't been more tears since she left, but I am going to tell you that she's doing so great!  She's sent us some pictures and she just looks great.  Her letters are positive and happy.  She did tell me that she wishes that we could be companions (even though she loves her companion!) because we wouldn't have to be "nicy-nice" through the frustrating times and we'd just get work done!  haha.  I just love her.  

 

Tess and her companion, Sister Davidson

A Wedding of Friends

The start of this week (ya know when all the storms were and stuff), we headed down to a wedding of two of our dear friends.  Tess and I both lived with Brittanie last year and we just love her.  She ended up not living in the house this year, but she was our most frequent visitor, and we love her!  She's always just so happy and full of life and energy.  I admire how she always looks on the positive side of things.  She is so good at looking at the big perspective and having faith that everything will turn out for the best.  She's always so fun and we always have a good time when we're with Brit.

Luckily, Brittanie married a guy who is just as fun and full of life as she is!  Adam has this special way of making everyone in the room instantly happier when he enters.  We passed each other between classes a couple of times each week this semester, and it always brightened my day talking with Adam for a minute or two.  I'm just so happy for those two and I'm so glad they let Tessa and I be a part of their day :)

Between Tessa, Eden, and I we were able to get some fun pictures.  Here are a few of my favorites.

Brittanie asked me to do her hair for her big day.  I was both honored and excited!  I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out.  She seemed to be happy about it too :)

 I have been loving the dutch braids lately! 

That temple is just so huge and beautiful!

 Me and my sissy :)

Mary, Tess, Adam, Me, and Eden.  What a guy!  

A great group of friends that all showed up to party at the reception.  We had so much fun talking, laughing, eating, and dancing.

Brittanie and the bridesmaids from the Sherwood House

The fastest stretch of traveling.  Good visibility, 3-4 inches of snow on the road, and no other traffic!

These past couple of months I have been realizing even more how important it is that I marry someone who is not only going to take me to the temple to get married, but who will take me back frequently. The Gospel is not something to be casual about, and being on the temple grounds and waiting for all of my friends to come out from the sealing strengthened my testimony of the importance of the gospel in my life.  

A Weekend at College

When Tess and I were little, our older sisters were nice enough to come and let us spend a weekend, or even a week sometimes, with them at college.  We thought it was so cool and fun!  Since Tess and I have been living together we've been thinking about how fun it would be to have Mylie and Mariah come and stay with us since they don't have older sisters at college to go and stay with.  So, being the awesome aunts that we are ;) we had them come down and stay the weekend.  

First of all, HUGE shoutout to their awesome mom for bringing them all the way down and then coming all the way back down to pick them up!  So, she brought them down on Thursday and we went to McDonalds to eat so that the kids (she brought Brady and Lewis down with her too) could play at the playplace.  After she left we headed to do a couple of college things: grocery shop and get some ice cream at Coldstone with our BOGO coupons.  Then the little girls came home with Tessa and watched Elf while I went and hung out with friends for a bit. 

Friday was an eventful day!  We got up and ate some cereal for breakfast.  Then I headed to work and Tessa headed to take the girls ice skating.  The skating rink was closed so they decided to go bowling.  That was closed too!  So, being the awesome, spontaneous aunt that she is, Tess showed them some of the coolest things around campus and then brought them back to our place and did their nails.  

Then they came to our work lunch party where our boss Wayne fed us a Christmas dinner.  Turkey, ham, stuffing, the works!  So yummy!  After the lunch we headed back to the bowling alley, cause we knew it'd be open for sure!  We had a fun time bowling and then played some pingpong and visited the art museum while we were on campus.  

When 3:30 rolled around it was time to go and pick up Eden (a little girl I mentor for 4H) and head to the rec center for some swimming!  We had a fun time there as well, and it was fun to see the Spanish Fork lights when we took Eden home.  

On the way home we picked up a Little Ceasar's pizza and stuffed our faces quickly so Tessa could leave to a party with friends and we could head out for our next activity--ice skating!  We were all a little shaky at first, but we quickly got the hang of it!  We were bummed when our hour and a half was over and we got kicked off.  Those little girls were getting good!

On our way home we decided to stop at the Redbox where we picked up Mall Cop 2.  We made some popcorn and paper snowflakes and watched it.  Pretty funny movie. 

Saturday morning we slept in and woke up in time to head to our ward Christmas party/breakfast.  The whole ward sang Happy Birthday to Mylie and we just had a good time.  After breakfast we had to do some real college stuff.  Tessa had to go to a review for one of her finals coming up and the little girls and I headed to the bank.  After I got everything worked out at the bank we went to do some Christmas shopping.  We got some good deals and had a fun time!  When we got back we ate some left over pizza for lunch and headed back out the door!  Taffy met up with us at the BYU vs Utah Women's basketball game.  We had fun chatting and laughing, and the little girls rocked it during the "chicken dance."  

After the game was over (BYU won an exciting one!) Taffy and the girls headed home.  We LOVED having them here for our last weekend of college together.  They were so fun and were so good to go with the flow.  The past two days were actually nothing like our real college life (see previous post haha), but it was just fun to give them a glimpse of what it's like to live without parents and little people around.  They were champs at it!  

Tessa. My BFF Forever.

It's Tessa's birthday today.  She's seriously the best little sister anyone could ever ask for.  I can not imagine life without her.  Here are some of the reasons I love Tess.  

She always has an awesome attitude, even when times are tough.  

She likes to watch sports with me.  And she came to BYU.  

She has the coolest/weirdest talents.  

 She likes going to concerts with me.

She's always got me laughing out loud.

She has the best booty.

She's my favorite ski buddy. 

 She loves America, and she loves going fun places. 

She went on a million hikes with me and only complained once. 

She accomplishes any goal she puts her mind to.  

Really though--always laughing!

Our names just go together.

She loves hanging out with me and my parents.  

She lets me cut her hair. 

She's just so pretty.  

We have the same brain which often leads to us saying the same things and dressing the same.

 Again...

and again.  

I really don't know what I'm going to do without this girl being there for me basically every second this next year and a half.  I'm so happy for her though and her decision to serve a mission.  She is going to be such a great missionary.  She is going to bless so many lives.  I know that the message she is taking to the people of Argentina is true.  God loves us and has a plan for each of us, and right now His plan is for us to be apart.  I know this is starting to sound dramatic, but people!  She is my BEST FRIEND!  You don't just go without seeing your best friend for 18 months unless it's for a very worthy cause (a mission just so happens to be the only qualification...).  Anyways, happy birthday Tess.  You're the bomb.com.